(note: this post is a reflection of my internal monologue. enjoy)
Today my neck hurts.
Yesterday I forgot until just after I’d had my morning shower.
And the day before? Well I had to work early and barely had time to get my normal tasks done.
What am I trying to avoid? Running.
Am I trying to learn to run? Nope – I ran 3 half marathons and a full marathon before turning 22. I adore running and the way it makes you feel almost invincible… but getting myself dressed up and fed to go out running is just… so much work.
When I was in school I had no problem getting a good run in. I would go to school early, get in a good 5-7 km on the treadmill, shower, and be in class by 10. But now that I’m home and working in retail… well I just can’t be bothered. And there really is no reason for it, I can almost see the family treadmill from where I’m sitting right now. And to sweeten the deal even more, there is a tv that I can watch right in front of the treadmill. But then, I would have to somehow work waking up early, and eating, and then showering, and getting dressed, in all before I work.
Today I start work at 3.
But I already mentioned that my neck hurts. I’m pretty sure I slept in some sort of heap. Or on rocks. Or maybe I strained my neck working retail? Maybe there is some innate danger to working at all?
My god it’s easy to talk myself out of doing something that requires any sort of exertion at all, even if I enjoy it and it would be a benefit to my overall fitness. But maybe you’ve heard this kind of pointless, self-argument before?
I feel like I let myself off with a lot because I am so dissatisfied with my lack of employment. When I first became unemployed, I told myself that I was going to do SO MANY THINGS that I always wanted to do. Like get in super good shape, continue writing comics, and finish writing the draft of my first novel. But after a few weeks of job hunting, I just didn’t feel like doing anything. I basically took refuge in my basement and watched television. It was only recently, when I couldn’t even be bothered to play video games, that I figured there might be something wrong with me.
Some form of mild depression? Who knows. What I do know for sure is that over the past week I’ve been blogging every day. And already I feel like I’m getting my joy back. I feel like myself again, and I have such a better perspective on my own situation. I don’t want to push myself too hard, but I’ve started taking up all of my hobbies again – like blogging, drawing, crochet, origami, blogging, and countless other small projects. It’s awesome.
Maybe I’ll start running again tomorrow. :)